In our global society there are commonalities amongst us. Whatever our gender, ethnicity, political or religious affiliation we have some things in common. I so want to believe common courtesy is part of the group of things that we can share. But I do often wonder. Courtesy like many other commodities of character appear to be present less universally.

Have you noticed the disparity in what is considered courteous today? For some of you the word courteous may seem archaic. Courtesy, according to Google, is “the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others.” The term common courtesy has been used for hundreds of years.

You may be more familiar with the term etiquette although it seems that etiquette is not a common occurrence either.

Etiquette is a French term. It means “little signs”. In the 18^th century the wealthy King Louis the XIV wanted to allow the people of his kingdom, an opportunity to experience the opulence of his palace. So he decided to invite them to a big celebration at his palace. A large number attended. He was pleased to see the people enjoying themselves.

He also noticed that the people walked on the grass and trampled his flowers instead of treading on the walkways. They did not take care with the palace grounds. Afterwards the king met with his gardener to come up with a way to help people to understand how they should behave at the palace.

The two decided to write little signs like “Keep off the grass” and place them around the palace. The French word used related to the little signs or tickets that instructed people about how they were to behave. Later the word etiquette became synonymous with code of behavior.

Etiquette in its most pristine form is based on being respectful, considerate and honest. When in doubt be respectful, considerate and honest.

Uncommon courtesy?

About a month ago it was my pleasure to meet with a rabbi at his school. As I walked up the long semicircular driveway to the entrance of the school I faced oncoming traffic of parents dropping off their students for their day at school. As I came around the curve I saw a car approaching me and I crossed over to the right side of the roadway to allow the vehicle to unload next to the building.

I was shocked by what happened next.

The male driver of the vehicle, stopped, smiled, got out of the car, humbly placed his hands together in a gesture of respect, bowed to me and said, “My apologies!” He had done nothing that was remotely, near anything that I thought required an apology. I smiled back at him nodded and responded with something like, “No problem”. I’m not exactly sure what I said because I was surprised by his actions.

Only a short distance from the front door of the school I entered quickly and spoke to the administrative assistant. As I turned to take a seat in the lobby there was the adorable child, of about six years of age that had been in the vehicle outside. She looked directly at me smiled and repeated, “My apologies!” just as the driver had done.

I have been on this campus numerous times. The sense of peace and genuine consideration for others is the mainstay on the campus of this private Hebrew school. From the youngest child I have encountered to the high school student, the staff and the rabbi reflect splendid acts of courtesy.

I have been in the education milieu for many decades. Secular, religious, private, home schooling and corporate training yet never have I experienced such an expression of common courtesy. To the contrary, at times I have been highly disrespected in these environments routinely.

What makes it uncommon?

Why is common courtesy so absent from most environments today. People on the church parking lot, after services are cursing and fussing with fellow parishioners.  People with license plates and bumper stickers using the name of God, are raising their middle fingers at other drivers, or cutting them off creating dangerous driving conditions.

People in the neighborhood are tearing down the character of their neighbors. People hold in hurts so long they have forgotten the original act that caused them to be angry in the first place, but they still continue to be less than courteous. People regard each other with such disdain that they are unable to allow the love of God to flow through them or to them.

What is the etiquette of your life? What is the common courtesy of your household, your car, your fleshly house? If a stranger came to your palace what signs of respect, consideration and honesty would they find, based on your behavior? How do you behave when in the presence of your neighbor?

As Our King opens the doors to His Kingdom how do we behave? Do we behave as uneducated, stony-hearted visitors in a foreign land, or do we behave as righteous inheritors of royal treasures? Do we read and obey the etiquette written for us to follow?

Take Inventory and Take Action! Maintain an atmosphere of common courtesy in your realm.

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”